Dear Peanut,
'Sigh'. It's been almost 2 weeks since you announced your abrupt departure from our family. I think I have mostly recovered and am now planning for your return. In the meantime I have channeled my mommy energy into giving Kelby belly rubs.
The week you died. The week you died. There isn't much more to say after that.
I do see that your death whipped mother nature into a frenzy though. Daddy and I have spent the better part of the last week holed up in the house with Kelby due to 2 back-to-back snowstorms... unheard of for Maryland.
So now we are surrounded by 3'-4' of snow and except where Kelby made the pee-pee, I think this snow serves as your perfect burial. I am hoping and praying that once the snow melts and the ground thaws, you will come back into our lives; just like the blossoming trees of Spring.
Until then, enjoy your rest little Peanut.
I still love you,
Mommy
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
You really have us worried....
Okay Peanut,
Maybe I didn't make myself clear earlier when I said that your first heartbeat shouldn't go to your head. Daddy and I also don't want you rockin' out so hard to your new heartbeat that you make Mommy bleed and cramp up.
So, this is limbo week. I woke up yesterday at about 630AM with a sharp pinch followed by very painful cramping and yep, you guessed it... bleeding. Not the benign bleeding either but scary bright red bleeding with blood clots and everything (Sorry future readers but it is important to note that when a new Mom sees blood clots it really really freaks her out!). Daddy and I thought for sure you had decided to bail on us but when we went to Dr. Sun's office, she said that it was possible I wasn't miscarrying after all. We are holding very tightly onto that hope. Basically, the doctor said my cervix was high (a good sign that I am pregnant) but during the ultrasound the doc couldn't see a gestational sac in my uterus. Basically, my uterus was empty. So, here are the two possibilities. 1. You bailed on us already. 2. I am having a "threatened miscarriage". Dr. Sun informed us that since I am blessed with PCOS and my cycle is erratic at best (even with clomid I guess), that I might have ovulated later than January 7th. That would mean that you aren't as grown up as we thought.
The bleeding is still a bad sign but thanks to the internet, I have found tons of discrete examples of Mommies who had bleeding like this and then went on to have healthy pregnancies. Still, you have me worried. So, for what is the first (and I hope not the last) time in your life... turn your music down! :-)
As an aside... I know you are barely even a dot at this point but I don't understand how any Mom could ever want to purposefully end the life of a baby who is even as tiny as a spec. Peanut... I feel you. I know you are there. I love you. I could never give you up voluntarily. It will devastate me if you decide to bail on us now... but I know you will come back. Just like the prodigal son. You will be the prodigal peanut.... I just hope it won't be an indication that you will always be late to everything. ;-)
Love you Peanut,
Mommy
Maybe I didn't make myself clear earlier when I said that your first heartbeat shouldn't go to your head. Daddy and I also don't want you rockin' out so hard to your new heartbeat that you make Mommy bleed and cramp up.
So, this is limbo week. I woke up yesterday at about 630AM with a sharp pinch followed by very painful cramping and yep, you guessed it... bleeding. Not the benign bleeding either but scary bright red bleeding with blood clots and everything (Sorry future readers but it is important to note that when a new Mom sees blood clots it really really freaks her out!). Daddy and I thought for sure you had decided to bail on us but when we went to Dr. Sun's office, she said that it was possible I wasn't miscarrying after all. We are holding very tightly onto that hope. Basically, the doctor said my cervix was high (a good sign that I am pregnant) but during the ultrasound the doc couldn't see a gestational sac in my uterus. Basically, my uterus was empty. So, here are the two possibilities. 1. You bailed on us already. 2. I am having a "threatened miscarriage". Dr. Sun informed us that since I am blessed with PCOS and my cycle is erratic at best (even with clomid I guess), that I might have ovulated later than January 7th. That would mean that you aren't as grown up as we thought.
The bleeding is still a bad sign but thanks to the internet, I have found tons of discrete examples of Mommies who had bleeding like this and then went on to have healthy pregnancies. Still, you have me worried. So, for what is the first (and I hope not the last) time in your life... turn your music down! :-)
As an aside... I know you are barely even a dot at this point but I don't understand how any Mom could ever want to purposefully end the life of a baby who is even as tiny as a spec. Peanut... I feel you. I know you are there. I love you. I could never give you up voluntarily. It will devastate me if you decide to bail on us now... but I know you will come back. Just like the prodigal son. You will be the prodigal peanut.... I just hope it won't be an indication that you will always be late to everything. ;-)
Love you Peanut,
Mommy
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